an open letter to martin from boys like girls, the boys who don't have balls, the girls, & girls in general:
first off, let me preface this by saying last night, halloween, i witnessed some of the most disgusting behavior by touring dudes & stationary ladies i have ever seen, and i have been going to shows for the better part of eight years. (cool story, bro. i know.) part of me is shocked, though, that it has taken this long.
at about 12:45am, i walked onto a tour bus in the middle of a hurricane. i, unknowingly, was the eye of the storm. my friend & i walked directly to the back lounge of the crowded bus with purpose. this friend, on the tour, needed to write work e-mails & i was there to keep company. about ten seconds after we sat down, a rush of dudes walked into the back, eyes wide & mouths agape.
“oh my god, martin is crazy.” they all kept repeating. they went on to tell us that martin had been pressuring and nagging the girls in the front lounge to show their boobs for a long while. seconds before my friend & i had walked by, he had completely exposed himself in a sort of “i showed you mine, now you have to show me yours” move. the dude-rush went on to say that right after we walked by the girls finally gave in & flashed everyone, albeit on the verge of tears. “i feel so bad for those girls,” one guy said. “yeah, i’m totally embarrassed for them,” another chimed in.
“why don’t you just kick him off the bus?” we asked. “we can’t,” they all responded with a shrug of their shoulders, citing the politics of the business as the reason. they all made their way back to the front within a few minutes.
a bit later, a wasted martin walks to the back & starts belligerently whining about his life. “i hate touring. i hate headlining. i hate doing press. i hate sucking up to radio. i just want to be home. twenty-three hours of the day, i am miserable. the only time i enjoy myself is the hour i’m up onstage. everything else sucks. i hate this all.” i sort of felt bad for him, until he started peeing in the bathroom with the door open in front of two female strangers which, call me old-fashioned, is kind of inappropriate. he stumbled back to the front, incoherently mumbling about how this bus was nicer than his own.
it was getting late, so i decided to head out & i guess martin had the same idea at the same time. he got up, and put his hands on one of the girls faces. “give me a kiss goodybe. on the lips,” he slurred. she tried to wiggle her cheeks out of his grip but couldn’t. “no,” she said with a disgusted look on her face. but, he pressed his lips onto hers & moved onto her friend, repeating his gross behavior. the third girl, with his hands on her cheeks, tried to turn her head but she wasn’t as strong as him. “stop it,” she repeated as she struggled, putting her hands on his shoulders, trying to push him off. she couldn’t hold him off for very long & eventually he got his sloppy kiss. he moved onto the last girl sitting in the front lounge, who wasn’t some random drunk girl looking to brag to her friends, but someone working on the tour. (earlier, he had demeaningly asked her if she was an assistant.) even before he got to her she told him “don’t you dare come near me.” but, he ignored her. he put his hands on her face & she yelled “get the EFF off me,” and shoved him away. stunned, he stumbled towards the front curtain where i was standing. he turned to face the one girl who was able to push him off and coughed out “bitch” in a totally juvenile fifth grade sort of way.
my fists were clenched at this point. he took a step to the door & i couldn’t bite my tongue any longer. “YOU ARE THE BIGGEST DOUCHE BAG I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.” everyone on the bus got quiet.
he paused, turned around, gave me a bewildered look, & stepped off the bus. as soon as the door closed, i dropped my bag & went after him to tell him how disgusting & vile i thought he was. but one of the guys who had witnessed everything ran & grabbed me before i could catch up. “DON’T,” he said & pulled me back on the bus.
i was shaking i was so mad. in hindsight, i should have pulled him off those girls by his (thinning) hair or by one of his tiny little douche baggy necklaces he always seems to wear & screamed “WHEN A WOMAN SAYS NO. YOU GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER.”
so, to martin: you can whine & whine about your life & about how much your life sucks. but it only sucks because you make it suck. you are going to continue to feel miserable about yourself if you continue to take advantage of people, specifically females who have no self-respect or have no feelings of self-worth. no person is going to feel good about themselves for more than a few minutes of satisfaction when you are a being skeevy human being. sorry your life sucks, but i have no sympathy. look in the mirror to see who it is that is breeding the filth & misery that surrounds you. only you can change your situation & right now your situation consists of everyone calling you awful names as soon as you leave the room. the girls on the bus were idiots, yes, and i am sure you are good at weeding out the smart girls from around you, but one day, hopefully, one will slip in & will not have any of your b.s. & she will press charges. the last thing you need for your livelihood of performing for high-school aged girls, is having their parents know you are a registered sex offender. just sayin’.
to the ladies on the bus: seriously. get some self-respect. as soon as martin walked off the bus, the one of you that pushed him off the hardest was the first one to start texting him again, saying “well, he told me to go over there but i don’t want to go alone.” you must be galactically stupid. if a guy is physically forcing himself on you & you are pushing him off, telling him no, then only spend a few minutes pouting before considering following him over to his bus, you are an idiot & i don’t really know what else to say. especially, since i know all three of you ended up taking turns servicing the very same dude that stopped me from running after martin & putting him in his place. you seriously bum me out so bad. all your whining is totally null & void because you are putting yourself in situations to be taken advantage of. it sucks. it sucks that you are now just a joke, a story they get to tell each other, laughing as they make fun of stupid you are.
to the dudes on the bus who witnessed everything: grow a pair. i know it is all politics. but, if i were in your position i’d feel like a better human being knowing that i stood up for women who were being taken advantage of than being a wuss & not saying anything for fear of a job. yes, i know it is ultimately the girls’ decision to do whatever they want (& their decisions bum me out). but, sometimes, an out-of-control guy needs other dudes to tell him to chill out & not even let the situation escalate to where it did. it is awful to think that guys like martin don’t have people standing up to them enough. dudes like him are able to get away with what they do because you are cowards. it is even more awful knowing that this sort of things happens every night in a different town & their are few people, of either sex, with the courage to stop them.
to girls in general: seriously, have some self-respect. you don’t need to do things you don’t want to do because you are being pressured into it & want to feel cool being on a band bus. because at the end of the day, if you do something you are uncomfortable with, you are going to end up being the butt of the joke. don’t be stupid. don’t do things for the sake of doing them. seriously.
call me judgmental, call me a wet blanket. i don’t really give a hoot. because at the end of the day, i’m fine with it. i’d rather be boring than give people something to say about me that i’m not really proud of.
i know i’m going to make friends & other random people i kind of sort of know upset or angry & am totally alienating myself for airing dirty laundry like this, but i really just need to say my piece. i’d rather be someone with integrity and courage than just another sheep. that’d be baa-a-a-d news.
sorry for the tl;dr-fest,
